The benefit of not asking for a specific gift.

Not asking for gift

What a title. I knew what I wanted to write about some time ago, as I have been dealing with this particular topic in my marriage a lot lately between Christmas, my birthday, and now our 1 Anniversary! But I spent my entire day thinking about what to title the blog, how to get my point across. I didn’t want to be like, “Why I’m not asking for a gift for my anniversary.”– it’s not that I don’t want anything, not that I need anything but…well,you get it. Obviously I am welcoming gifts but I’m not asking for anything specific. So, I decided to just say it. No matter how jumbled it may seem. My brain has been fried for the past week so clever phrases just isn’t coming to me. Bear with me.

ANYWAYS, I’m not asking for anything specific for my anniversary. I didn’t feel like it for Christmas either or my birthday about a month ago. My husband was like “Babe, please. Just make a list of things you would want and i’ll pick some things out. You won’t know which ones you get.” There’s nothing terrible about doing that. I ended up caving and giving him a list for both by pinning things I liked. It just seemed to be the less stressful route for him, he is so nervous about getting me something I don’t like- like that could happen. I told him he could pick a rock off the ground and give it to me and I would love it just because he thought to get me something. I ended up getting some things on my list and off my list, and I was super grateful and I loved them all- even the ones I didn’t pick out, actually, especially the one’s I hadn’t picked out.

Which is why when our anniversary began to sneak up, I realized that I had everything I wanted for one and for two I found it to be the perfect opportunity to let my husband uses his very creative brain (he is a genius when it comes to art) and let him do the gift shopping. Now, I will say this- he has had the entire anniversary planned since last year. I have nooooo idea what he has planned for the evening, so I am getting surprised and I am SUPER excited to see what he has planned. You see, I am the planner in the relationship. He is coming to me often asking about what plans we have. I love to plan, he doesn’t really care for it- so it’s a win/win! But he is actually planning all of this by himself and it wasn’t even my idea, so I am over the moon excited to see what the night will entail.

But back to my reasoning, and this is all manners aside because as good manners it’s not in our best interest to just list off all of our wants. And my point doesn’t just apply to my marriage or just to romantic relationships, it applies to any kind of relationship one can have. I believe when we ask and receive the gift becomes sort of “matter of fact” so to speak. Like we are just buying these gifts because it’s part of whatever scenario we find ourselves in. Like an anniversary, a birthday, a shower, etc.

We have heard it time and time again but I don’t think many of us actually sat down and took in the meaning, “it’s the thought that counts”. I have heard it so many times that it becomes just a polite way to tell someone “it doesn’t matter what you get me” or “oh, it doesn’t matter that it’s the wrong size” to avoid awkwardness when a gift doesn’t work out. But as I have experienced these past gift giving holidays with my husband and his request of lists is that the thought truly does matter. What is a gift when someone gets it for you just because they are supposed to? Some may say, “Who cares? Free gifts!” but really- do you want a gift because someone feels obligated to get you one (again, some of us may be down for this) and so they just pick up something you said you wanted or do you want one that someone sat down and took time out of their day to think about you, what you like, what you’re into, what you may wear, that sort of stuff? Then they spend time searching for something that reminds you of them in some way, something they point at and say “She would love this!”

What it boils down to is this, a gift is a gift when it comes to you because you asked for it or the person felt obligated but when you get a gift that someone picked out with you in mind, it comes with an extra bit of love. Sure, people will get you gifts because they love you and want you to have what you want/need, my husband and anyone else out there that does this has the best of intentions and any gift is more than enough, but when you give a gift from thought, you are giving a gift of love. I would rather my husband go and grab me a random rock out of the driveway with thought behind it than get me the most perfect purse I told him I wanted. I will always value thought over convenience, personal over impersonal. While I will love any and every gift I will ever be given, if you can go without asking, the benefit is much bigger. It truly is the thought that counts. 

Do you like to give gifts from the heart, or is it more practical to just get someone what they need? What’s your take on the matter? I love hearing your thoughts! ❤


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