If you’re religious, you know that God is the ultimate healer. By no means in this post am I under minding Doctors. I think God lead many people to become Doctors to help heal his people. I know several doctors have helped me many, many times in my life. From Surgeries to Allergy Shots, I’ve always visited the doctor when I felt less than perfect or something was up. Which is why I went to the doctor almost 2 weeks ago, and this leads me into my testimony.
About a month ago, I went to my allergist for a yearly check up and was diagnosed with Bronchitis while I was there. I had been coughing severely and had felt “out of it.” I felt disconnected from everything and everyone. Kind of like when you get so tired you can’t process anything. I wasn’t exactly tired constantly but I was getting winded easily so I just thought I felt that way because I was sick. As time went on and I got better, the “out of it” feeling never went away. In fact it became worse. As it became worse, I also began to be depressed. I had no reason to be upset, I am very blessed. Yet I still felt extremely upset and continued to disconnect. Then I had became anxious, depressed, and apathetic. I couldn’t take in any information. Everything went in one ear and out the other. I felt no emotions. Just numb. Since I never feel this way it began to frighten me. I was so uncomfortable feeling that way, I felt out of control of my own emotions and I wanted it to stop. As I thought about how I felt, the worse I felt. I spent a few nights just crying to my loving, patient husband about how I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. He told me to go see my doctor first thing Monday. He knew this wasn’t me and something was going on.
Monday morning I headed to my Doctor’s office feeling some what relieved because I knew she could help me figure out what was going on with my body and get me on the road to recovery. As I talked to my doctor about my past month she came to the conclusion that she thought my menstrual cycle may be to blame. I believed her. I had switched from an IUD to the birth control pill a few months ago and this was the first time in years that I had gotten a menstrual cycle. She told me to keep a mood log and come back to see her in 6 weeks to check in and see if my symptoms went away and came back around that time of the month, then we know the issue and she would change my birth control to a different hormone dosage. She gave me something to help my emotions out in the mean time.
I’ve always prayed and followed God my entire life. I may not attend church weekly but I pray a few times a day and try my hardest to follow what he wants from me. I love God and know that he can get you through anything. Before I saw my doctor, I prayed about it, fasted, and tried my hardest to just give it to him and let it go. This did not change even after I spoke to my doctor. In fact, it increased. My mood was not changing regardless of the medicine and the time that had passed since my monthly friend had left. I continued to seek God’s comfort more and more, it reigns over any medication out there. I asked my mother how she knew the difference between when God was speaking to her and when you may just be imagining what you would like God to say to you. She told me she would pray over her bible and ask God to guide her to the message he wanted her to read. I took her advice and did the same. The first time I did, he sent me to Corinthians and had me read about having faith. During this time, I kept my faith regardless in the change of how I felt. I kept praying and kept telling myself that God would get me through even in those moments when I was afraid that my feelings may not ever go away.
The second time is what really opened my eyes to God’s power. I prayed over the bible, I asked him to guide me to the right scripture, just as I had the first time. But then I felt the urge to Google my Birth Control, Orsythia (generic for Alesse). I wasn’t sure why but I felt that I should. So I did. I spent the next hour reading about women who felt the same way I had been feeling that had been taking the same birth control I had been. I googled the side effects and sure enough, Depression was a common one. It all made sense. That was the first month my birth control had completely made its way into my system so naturally if I were going to feel Side Effects it would have happened around then. I then read about women who stopped taking their pills and how after some time their natural hormones took over instead of the synthetic hormones that are in birth control, and they had felt like themselves again. I then made the decision to throw away my pack. I was only 2 pills in which was an ok time to discontinue them (Doctors say as long as you don’t stop in the middle of a pack, it’s ok.)
The next day I called my doctor and told her nurse about how I hadn’t felt better and that I no longer was taking my birth control and how after only a day I was feeling a little better. She told me she would send my doctor the message and get back to me. 2 days went by since I had stopped my birth control and each day I felt the fog I had been feeling lift a little more each day. The nurse called me back and told me not to discontinue use- regardless of how I felt- and to just try a new birth control that my doctor had called in for me. I hung up feeling disappointed. I had began to see a change, as small as it was, it was a change that I hadn’t felt in weeks. I didn’t want to jump back into the birth control boat and risk the chance of feeling like I had been. I wanted to keep letting the hormones work their way out so I could feel like myself as soon as possible. If I tried a new one, I would just have to stop those and start my progress all over again. So I prayed about it and called my Gynocologist (the doctor who prescribed me my birth control) for a second opinion and she said it was perfectly fine for me to stop if it were making me feel bad and there is no reason to continue taking hormonal birth control if I had a back up plan to prevent pregnancy. I had all that so I felt even more confident about my choice to stop usage of my birth control.
It has now been almost a week since I stopped my birth control and each day I feel more and more like myself. I only have bad moments now if I stop and think about how I had felt. It will take time for the hormones to leave my body and for my body to adjust back to it’s normal self after years of constant hormonal birth control flowing through my system but I am getting there. Before I didn’t know when I would feel better, or if I would. I stopped my pill on Thanksgiving day and weighed yesterday. I had lost 3 pounds. After all the crazy non-stop eating, I had lost 3 pounds just from dropping my birth control. My hair also stopped falling out. My birth control was effecting me in many ways that I didn’t even realize. When I visit my doctor again in 6 weeks, I will have to stand up and explain to her that even though she wanted me to try another, I had to do what I felt was right for my body.
I am incredibly thankful for God. Had he not lead me to look up my Birth Control, I would still be on it, waiting to feel better from a Side Effect that could have stayed in my body as long as I remained on the pill. He heard my prayers and answered them. I still pray to him for strength while I wait for my body to balance itself out and he continues to help me. The best thing we can ever do in any situation, regardless of what others may say, is to pray to God and let him lead you. He will never steer you wrong.
This experience has opened my eyes and made me see that God hears us, all of us, and he will bring us through whatever we may be feeling. It has also taught me to re-evaluate and become more conscious about what I put into my body. I stopped the birth control, I have laid off caffeine, and eliminated anything with Aspartame. I continue to exercise daily and do yoga every night along with meditation and prayer and journaling. I am working on replacing junk food for whole foods and other dietary changes. All of these things help control anxiety and depression. There is so much stuff…stuff you wouldn’t even expect..that can flare up anxiety, depression, along with many other health issues. I’m not the type of person who is obsessed with organic foods, working out like crazy, and against everything that isn’t natural. I know I am human and will want to enjoy junk foods from time to time and will need medicine for other things. I am simply a person who didn’t think twice about what she put into her body. I never worried about side effects. I never thought that too much caffeine would make me feel bad or that too much junk food could hurt me in more ways than just weight gain. Now I do think twice. If we don’t take care of our own bodies, who will?
I encourage all of you to try and be more conscious of what you put into your body and to always lean on God for everything. He will guide you in every choice you make and help you see things you would have never even bothered to look at before.
Please feel free to re-blog this and/or share this. There may be someone who is feeling how I felt without an answer. If it weren’t for God leading me to other women’s stories, I would have never found what was causing me so much distress.