Marriage is probably one, if not THE biggest commitment you will make in your lifetime. You are vowing to stay with a person through out an entire lifetime, for better or for worse, for richer or poor, and in sickness and in health. A lifetime is a long time. You change, your spouse will change, life itself will throw you curve balls that you never would have imagined going through. The beautiful thing about marriage is that during all of those fun transitions, you will never have to go through them alone. As a spouse, there are so many things that will come your way. Many, many wonderful things, some bad, some unexpected. Whatever comes your way, it’s important to take care of your marriage. Divorce rate’s are way too high in this day and age. Some people get scared of Marriage because of it. They think that with such a high number, how could they possibly dodge that bullet? What are the odd’s that their marriage wouldn’t be a part of the growing number? Some people are so scared and fixated on numbers and other marriages who have failed to realize that they are in control of their own marriage and the fate of it. There is nothing external that can end your marriage without you letting it in. There is no certainty that your marriage will fail. Marriage is the most beautiful thing one can join but it does take work, just like all great things. While all Marriages are unique, and no Marriage is perfect, there are basic guidelines that most every marriage needs in order to reach it’s full potential. Which brings us to the 4 C’s of Marriage. These are 4 things that all Marriages need, no matter how unique or how long or short the Marriage has been. Take a look and take them to heart while reading.
- Communication: When I talk with my friends and others about Marriage, I always stress the importance of Communication. I believe it is the most important thing you need in a Marriage. Without Communication your whole Marriage is shut off. Imagine if your husband never said a word to you, imagine if you always had to just guess if your husband had things he needed fixed in the marriage, would you be able to read his mind? Imagine a world where you couldn’t tell your husband when you were worried or sad or upset. You just bottled in everything you felt and dealt with it alone instead of having your partner to help you through it like he vowed to do. Did you fall in love with your husband without speaking a word to him nor him to you? No. Communication is what brought you together as a couple, Communication will be what keeps you together too. Divorces continue to grow because so many people keep their marriage concerns to themselves. They expect a problem to fix itself or for their spouse to read their mind and then fix the problem they are having. They expect the impossible to be done. You may think, well he should know it’s a problem! As true as that can be sometimes, we need to remember men have different minds than us. They have different emotions. Something huge to us may never even cross his mind. Women are emotional creatures. Men…not always. This is when we need to sit our husband’s down and calmly explain the problem, how it makes us feel, and why it makes us feel that way. A problem cannot and will not be fixed until you communicate the problem to your spouse. Not only does Communication allow us to discuss our issues and fix them but Communication also brings us closer to our spouse. The more you share, the closer you are. That’s just how it is. You don’t marry to have someone go and work for you to provide for you, you don’t marry someone just to have someone, your husband doesn’t marry you because he wants someone to take care of him or children, he didn’t marry you because you can cook well. While those are perks and can be important to some, Marriage is about the mental, emotional, and psychical connection between two people. Communication keeps all of those connections alive and kicking. Marriage isn’t about the convenience or what the other person can help you gain. Marriage is about love. Nothing more, Nothing Less. Communication is important is all aspects of your marriage. If you have one thing in your marriage, let it be Communication. It truly is the difference between Love and Divorce.
- Compromise: Don’t roll your eyes. Compromise is very important in marriage, because you have to do lots of it. Think about it, you and your husband both lived separate lives before you knew each other. He had his family, you had yours. You had your job, he had his. Even though it’s hard to imagine that life, it still happened. When you got together, all of those things you did separately are now being worked around the life of your new unit. You inherit his family members, his friends, his hobbies, his habits, and his schedule, all while he inherited yours. Working all that in into one conjoined life, things can get tricky. For example, he just HAS to spend Thanksgiving with both of his divorced parents and he could not even fathom not seeing them both that day. You cannot fathom not seeing both of your parents either, you always go to grandma’s at 2pm on Thanksgiving day….but he always goes to his grandma’s at 1pm on Thanksgiving day. It also just so happens your mother’s both have their Thanksgiving at, you guessed it, the same time. So you see the problem here. You can’t just spend the Holiday’s a part from one another. You are your own little family now too. But you both want to be at different places, at the same time. This is when Compromise comes into play. You can’t just give him his way, or else you’ll be hurt, but it goes the other way around too. You want to both walk away from the table happy. This will take compromise. You will have to change somethings and so will he. You have to realize you aren’t a kid anymore, you aren’t single anymore, it’s not just about you. So you can’t pout when you don’t get exactly what you want. So you go into discussion and work out a fair compromise. You’ll be at his grandma’s house at 2pm that day and he will be at your mom’s house that night. The next year, you’ll swap. Marriage will be full of compromises like this. You have to be able to bend, sacrifice, and change for the good of your marriage.
- Comfort: Earlier I talked about all of the highs and lows of life. Since you are attached to your husband for a lifetime, chances are you will encounter many of those experiences together. When it comes to the lows, it doesn’t always just involve the woman needing comfort. Your husband will also need it. Ladies, Men may not be as emotional as us but they do have emotions. Nothing is as soothing after a bad day than knowing when you get home, you will have someone to love on you, listen to you vent about it, knowing someone will have your back and try their hardest to make you smile when you are frowning. What kind of marriage is a marriage where the two people involved could care less if the other person was happy? When my husband has a bad day, I feel bad myself. Because I can’t stand seeing him anything less than happy. You should always be there to pick up your spouse when they are down. If you can’t count on your spouse to help you out, who can you? You are a team. You give, you take. Your spouse is your home. With your spouse is where you should relax. With your spouse is where you should feel safe and completely yourself.
- Cuddles: This one seems like such a no-brainer but you would be surprised the amount of couples whose only intimacy is when they are trying to have a child. Intimacy isn’t just about sex. Intimacy is about being connected in all ways with your spouse. Feeling loved in all manners. Cuddling makes us feel safe, loved, comforted, and close to our spouse in ways that we aren’t with others. Make time for intimacy, even if it’s just a quick cuddle session at the end of the day. Life is busy, people are tired, but it’s something you need to make room for. Being intimate is a key part in feeling close with your spouse. A closeness you don’t share with anyone else. Just the two of you. Not only is cuddling good for intimacy, Cuddling is good for other reasons. It is known and scientifically proven to help curb depression and anxiety, help you sleep at a better hour, boost “feel good” hormones that help you fight of sickness, and couples who cuddle after sex are known to be happier with their relationships over all. Read more about it here: 6 Amazing Benefits of Cuddling
So go cuddle up with your husband and take these tips to heart. It is never to late to improve your Marriage, even the most perfect feeling ones.
What are some of the most important things to your marriage? Comment below! I would love to hear your opinions.